Make It Go Away
by sincerelysnuffles
Summary: Harry still blames himself, the memories still haunt him... They're all gone.. All he wants is for everything to be the way it was before, but it just can't. So, what if the only happy memory of his life back at Privet Drive is what might just help?
1. The One That Got Away

****Disclaimer: Harry Potter and its characters are all J.K. Rowling's. I do not own anything but the OCs that appear in this chapter and the ones following. I repeat, I do not own neither Harry Potter nor the characters from the book. Only the plot and the OCs. Thank you.****

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><p>It had been such a long time since Harry Potter, the hero of the Wizarding World, The Boy Who Lived, The Chose One, and so many other names, had put a foot on Privet Drive.<p>

He swore to himself that he never would. It had been such an awful place. His childhood had been miserable. He was all right now, so why even bother? Was there even a reason he had to go back? The Dursleys were safe, not that he cared about them, really. But they had been the only reason he had been there in the first place.

No, it had been Dumbledore's decision.

If it had been Harry's or the Dursleys', he would have been raised by Sirius and he wouldn't have tried to kill Pettigrew. Therefore he wouldn't have been sent to Azkaban. Harry would be different now. He couldn't even imagine how that Harry would've been like. He would've been just like his father, James Potter. He'd be far less alike from his mother than he was now. According to Remus, he was _just_ like Lily Potter.

It was funny how he got the looks from his father, but wasn't the trouble-maker he had been.

Funny how he got the eyes of his mother, but didn't look more like her physically.

The list would go on and on.

Harry felt as though he had a piece of each one of them inside of him. A bit of Remus, of Sirius, of James, of Lily...of even Dumbledore.

Of course he would. Why wouldn't he?

The one person he now wished he had gotten something a bit from was Severus Snape. Harry knew that he would've never be capable of being as brave as Severus Snape had been. The man was a hero to Harry now. And still, the word underestimated what Severus Snape meant to him. He owed him everything. Everything and so much more. But there was no way of paying him back, or even try to. A sharp pain struck Harry in his chest as he walked around what was now his new home. It had been about two years after the war and Harry still couldn't stop grieving those whom had died for him. Hermione and Ron had both tried to tell him how they had all known what might've happen, how even they knew what might've happened to them, that it wasn't Harry's fault, and that those gone wouldn't like him living like this. But Harry couldn't stop blaming himself. Every time he visited Andromeda and Ted, every time he saw George, every time Dumbledore was brought up to conversation, every time that he saw a black dog, every time he'd hear Snape's name, every time he thought of how long it had been he had casted a Patronus, every time he thought about a doe...

They were everywhere, haunting him.

There was not a person in the whole wide world that knew how guilty Harry felt. How much he wished it was _he_ who would be buried ten feet under soil. He had thought of doing a reckless thing, but the voice of Remus would always haunt him:

_...He and your mother gave their lives to save yours. And gambling their sacrifice..._

_...seems to me to be a pretty poor way to repay them..._

The only difference were that that time he had been wandering around the castle with the Marauder's Map when he thought Sirius was a killer, and this time... Harry would become a killer himself, but he couldn't do it. Remus had been righ. He still was. Giving up truly is the worst way to repay those who gave up their lives for Harry.

He splashed cold water against his face, trying to wake himself up from the nightmare he was living in.

_He's dead. He's dead and that's what matters. They're safe. We all are. Get over yourself_,_ you__'re not supposed to feel like this._

After changing and wrapping a scarf around his neck, Harry disapparated and felt the cold wind blowing through the streets of what he had been bound to call home. Snow lay gently on top of the roofs of the houses, on the bushes, on the grass. The sun was already going down. It was getting a bit dark, but he just had to be there. Ginny would've kicked his sorry arse if she knew what he was up to, but still Harry didn't care. This was the one thing that hadn't been affected by the war, or at least he hoped it hadn't. With a simple '_Alohomora_' the front door was unlocked. Closing the door behind him, Harry lit his wand and stared around. It was very dark, not because it lacked light, but because it felt that way.

The stairs creaked as he started to go up. It hadn't been too long, had it? Why did it look so...ancient? Perhaps it was his imagination, he thought. Or maybe it was how long ago that life he had led between those walls seemed to have been. His old room was empty, just like the rest of the house. The stairs creaked again as he descended the stairs. Harry found no need to walk into the rest of the bedrooms.

To his surprise, the cupboard's door was opened. Slightly, but it was opened. Harry felt as though the roof was crashing down upon him. His height had increased more than he had expected it to. He still wasn't as tall as Ron or George, but he was a bit taller than Hermione now, at least. A little smile peeked over from his lips as Harry thought of how she used to tease him.

He walked into the long room where seven of him had once stood. Harry stopped particularly where he remembered Fred standing at. He looked at his side, where George would've been and felt the emptiness and guilt weigh heavier onto him. George didn't look the same. He wasn't the same and he would never be. Harry hated himself to an unbelievable amount for being the reason George was the way he was now. The only thing that had made him look almost like his old self was when Harry tentatively suggested that he should re-open the shop.

''It's what Fred would've wanted'' He remembered saying. George worked twice as hard, feeling like he should do double the work, making up for Fred's absence.

Harry froze right where he stood when he heard a knock on the door. He had almost forgotten the reason why he had come in the first place. His childhood. He hated it. It was ruined thanks to the Dursleys, but it wasn't _too _bad thanks to that knock on the door he had first heard when he had just turned eight. It was on his birthday. He had gotten nothing from his aunt and uncle, let alone from his cousin. But he was used to it. The summer heat was almost unbearable that the Dursleys chose a day at the beach wouldn't be so bad for them.

For _them_.

Harry had been left all alone and he simply sat in his cupboard staring at a wall, thinking about what he'd try and sneak out of the fridge to eat without the Dursleys finding out. Before they had left, his uncle, the arrogant git, had taken on count what was left on the house for food and warned Harry that if there was to be something gone, he wouldn't eat for three days straight and stay locked up inside the cupboard. His life was hell on earth, but he managed to survive. He made up his mind to take a little piece of pie that was left from last week, neither of the Dursleys had paid any attention to it and Harry had heard Petunia going on about how she needed to clean the fridge and stuff it with new things. She did this twice a week.

Harry had walked out of the cupboard and looked around, as though there was anyone at the house at all, and went on his toes, silently and carefully, making his way to the kitchen. A knock on the door sent him flying against a wall, making a portrait fall on his head. He picked it up quickly and checked to see if it was broken.

It was.

Right on Dudley's face.

He was the walking dead now.

They'd have _him_ for dinner that night.

The knock on the door made him jump slightly again. He hid the portrait inside his cupboard, closed the door and walked over the front one. Where they already back? If they were, he was _definitely_ dead. The knock sounded a bit more urgent this time.

''Wh-who is it?'' He called with a nervous voice as he jumped a bit, trying to see through the hole that was about ten inches, probably more, away from his head.

''I'm Mrs. Figg's niece... Your neighbour?'' A little girl's voice came from the other side.

''Er- The Dursleys aren't home''

''If they aren't, then who're you?''

Harry frowned and pressed his ear against the door, trying to listen better.

''I'm their nephew, Harry'' He had hesitated a moment before speaking, knowing that he shouldn't talk to strangers, let alone give them his name. Not that Petunia and Vernon were so worried about Harry actually being able to interact with other human beings, but Harry had heard them repeat this to Dudley thousands of times. The other side of the door remained silent. Harry felt slightly disappointed, for some reason he couldn't think of, when he thought that the girl must've left. Harry sighed and turned to go back to the cupboard.

''Harry who?'' He had to blink several times to make sure he had heard correctly. He ran back to the door and pressed his ear against it again.

''Excuse me, what did you say again? I didn't quite hear you...''

''I said: Harry _who_?''

''Oh... I'm Harry. Harry Potter'' The silence again. Harry didn't give up as fast as he had. He waited for her to reply, which she did, after almost two minutes of complete silence.

''I'm Susan Merrick''

''I thought you said you were Mrs. Figg's niece''

''I kind of am. A close friend of mum's, she is. We visit her every summer and I heard from her that it was some boy's birthday''

''It is my birthday...'' Harry had mumbled out loud without thinking.

''The boys around here also said it was some guy's named Gary Totter, and your name's close enough''

''How did they know it was my-''

''I made you something, with my sister... Well, she wasn't much help, only passed me the ingredients while I did most of the work, but I er- made you a cake'' Harry was startled, shocked, surprised, and relieved that he wouldn't have to creep into the kitchen and cope with the consequences of being caught.

''You shouldn't have-''

''Oh, it was nothing. I love to bake. Cook, in general. It's fun. Dad says I might be a cook when I grow up''

''That's, er- nice''

''It is'' She said almost excitedly. There was another long moment of silence and Harry heard his stomach growl and a giggle from the other side. ''Are you going to open the door or not?''

''Right, sorry''

And he did. Back then and in the present. At that time, it had been a girl of his age and height with the bluest of eyes he had ever seen, her hair in a French braid that lay effortlessly against her shoulder, a chocolate cake in her hands on a silver plate, her delicate skin glowing with the rays of sun coming down and onto them. Harry had thought she was the coolest girl in Privet Drive. They had easily become friends afterwards. She had been his escape whenever he got tired of the Dursleys. Even at his years in Hogwarts they would meet over the summer and make it less sufferable for him. She didn't mind, though. Spending time with two old friends talking about the good old days and how fast kids grew up these days wasn't as exciting as spending time with Harry Potter was. He was her best mate.

When Harry opened the front door at the present moment, the first genuine smile he ever had since the war grew on his lips when he saw the twenty-year-old Susan Merrick standing in front of him. She had changed a lot more than he had remembered her like. She was taller, but not taller than he was. Thinner, but not only bones. And her long caramel hair had a deep blue wool hat covering its top. The first two buttons of her black shirt were unbuttoned, but her blue cardigan that matched her hat protected her from the cold outside. Tall black leather boots up to her knees had her black jeans tucked inside. She looked flawless, in either summer or winter, past or present, young or older, kid or adult... The fact that he didn't feel in some sort of dangerous trance reassured Harry that she wasn't a Veela.

She wasn't even a witch, for Merlin's butt.

Harry stood there. They both did. Looking at each other, processing all the time they had spent apart. Three years and being killed once was a long time. Susan's hair blew slightly forward and his blew back. That big bright smile that he loved so much was flashed right back at him. Her sweet and tender voice brought him back to Earth.

''Welcome back, Potter''

He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly against him... not wanting to let go again.


	2. Something's Triggered

**I apologize for the delay and for how short this chapter is. Hopefully, I'll be posting more often. My other story has been taking all of my time lately. Oh, if you haven't checked it out, be sure you do! (Troubled)**

**Now, enjoy and don't forget to send some feedback!**

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><p>''How's life treating you, boy?''<p>

''It's... decent, pretty liveable''

''Sounds terrible'' chuckled Susan.

''It is'' sighed Harry, kicking some snow as he walked along with her. She turned to look at him frowning slightly.

''How come?''

He sighed deeper this time and spoke in a miserable tone, looking up at the dark sky above them, ''I should be dead''

''What makes you think you should?''

''Because I deserve to''

She stopped walking and took his arm, turning him to look at her and whispered, ''No one deserves death. Especially not you, Harry'' He looked at her narrowly.

''Why not me?''

''Because... of how amazing you are, you're a good guy,''—he scoffed and turned to keep on walking—''Hey!'' Susan caught his arm and spun him back around. ''You _don't_ deserve to die''

''You have no idea what you're talking about''

Silently, they both agreed to keep on walking and it was about a whole minute for her to reply.

''You underestimate my knowledge, Harry. I thought we had already gotten past that-''

''You know nothing, alright'' He snapped. The wind made a swishing sound as it blew and Harry felt something cold hit the back of his head. He turned quickly enough to see her putting her fists inside her pockets and glare at him. ''Snowball fight? Very mature, Susie'' She didn't look like she did it for fun. In fact, you looked very angry at him.

''It's _Susan_!''Harry noticed how her French accent was more noticeable but before he could joke on it she snapped at him, ''I know more than you give me credit for, Potter''

_''Please_-'' He started, rolling his eyes.

''What happened to you, eh? Turned into some sodding jerk while away for almost three years to wonderland?''

''Trust me, it was anywhere _but_ wonderland...''

''Didn't seem like it every summer back then''

''It was the best thing that ever happened to me, going to that school... If I could've had a choice, I would've never come back, not once''

''Oh''

Harry turned quickly after he realized what he had just said. He opened his mouth to take it back but she held up a hand to stop him and shook her head sadly and whispered, ''Don't even...'' Harry looked at her apologetically, not being able to hold the gaze since she looked away quickly and kept on walking through the snowy street. Soon, he followed in complete silent. She was the only thing that hadn't been damaged by the war and now all he could do was curse himself inside... Hurting the one thing that had made him truly happy after everything he had gone through.

Worst part was that he had actually meant it.

It was where he belonged. All that he had wanted was to be able to stay at the Wizarding World all year, not having to come back to Privet Drive, to the Dursleys...to her.

But Harry would've loved it if she would've been able to stay there with him, even though she wasn't a witch or squib, but just a simple Muggle. He would've felt the happiest ever if she would've been there with him. Sure, he had Ron and Hermione and Ginny, but Susan was just too special to him. She was just the 'type' of friend he couldn't give a definition to. Ron and Hermione were his siblings by heart and he loved Ginny. Merlin knew how much Harry loved Ginny. But Susan? She was in a whole other level of 'friendship'.

''I'm engaged'' she whispered almost wanting to cause the reaction it caused in Harry. He had stopped walking abruptly and slowly looked up at her, petrified. She hadn't noticed this until about a foot or two away from where he stood. Susan turned to look at him concerned. Harry looked neither happy nor sad, excited nor depressed. He just lacked expressions as he stared at her.

''I'm married'' he said and it was now she who lacked emotions.

''Since when?'' they both asked. His lips twitched slightly up and she laughed.

''You go'' said Harry, catching up with her as they both started walking again.

''Well... He's a guy''

''Sort of figured that out since you used to hate all the girls you knew''

She punched his arm and gained an 'ow!' from him. ''He's also French, kind of tall, very handsome-''

''Skip the girl talk'' He rolled his eyes.

''What about you, huh? Who's Mrs. Potter? Or is it a _Mr. Potter?_'' Susan nudged his ribs and grinned at him.

''Her name's Ginny,'' He shook his head at her while she laughed for a bit. ''She's quite lovely... has nice skin'' He smirked to himself and Susan actually snorted while laughing and holding her stomach.

''_Nice skin_? Blimey, do you honestly find her that unattractive? You must be, though. To be all about her _skin_''

Harry would've defended Ginny if it were someone else that had said it. He surprised even himself when he didn't. To him, Ginny was the most beautiful woman he'd ever met. Up until the battle, of course. When he met his mother back at the Forbidden Forest before facing Riddle, he still wondered if Lily Evans had a bit of a veela aura around her. Due to her blood status, it was impossible. ''Are you happy?'' He blurted out without thinking.

Susan slowed her walking, but still kept on moving, staring down at their feet as they walked. ''Are you?'' she whispered, glancing shyly up at him.

Harry was slightly taken aback by this and stared intently at her. Her hair was on her face and her lips were still their usual warm color. He frowned. It was far too cold for her not to seem to be so. He had casted a warming spell on himself before going over there; that's why he felt alright. But considering how cold the weather seemed to be, it was odd to see her so calm and not be complaining about it at all. Harry reached for her face cupping it with both of his hands and making her look up at him. He grinned softly down at her and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. Susan didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around him and pull him close to her. That embrace had been something they both needed. It reminded one another of how much they had missed of the other's life. Of how much they had missed the other.

Harry pressed his lips down on her shoulder and closed his eyes momentarily.

''Welcome home, Harry''


	3. Good Bit

We do what we have to when we fall in love

We say what we need to get out when it's not enough

Whether it's yourself, or looking at someone else

It's easy to deceive

But it's hard when the trust that's broken is mine

**-** **Everybody Lies** by_ Jason Walker_

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><p>Susan kept her temple pressed tenderly against Harry's shoulder as they sat on the Dursley's old driveway, neither bothering to question why they hadn't walked inside. He had a pretty good idea why <em>he<em> didn't want to, though. No matter how cold the temperature could get outside, it would still be able to be covered, cast a charm on himself as he had before walking out, put another jumper under the one he had, but walking into that house that held so many memories, seeing it completely empty and feeling that way on the inside... The freezing sensation he'd get inside of him wasn't something he could just _charm_ away. It would remain until he stepped outside once again.

That was one of the things out of the millions he absolutely adored about Susan. She wouldn't question his intentions or decisions, and would stick by his side no matter what, not caring where it would take her or leave her. She would trust him blindly, not ask too many questions, and have a silent agreement whenever he did things like that. It was a very unusual thing to find in a person, he knew it. They both did. But it was more than just relief and gladness that washed over him whenever he thought that she was his person.

A pang of guilt hit him like a hex when he heard the next words that rolled out of her lips.

''Does Mrs. Potter know you're here?''

He tensed slightly and he knew that she sensed it right away, seeing as she began raising her head slowly to look up at him with eyes full of concern and curiosity. Her wide blue orbs stared up at him, the same pair that once used to shine so brightly whenever his green ones would hold a long stare, but now seemed somewhat dull and without the life they used to hold in their depths, yet he couldn't help but notice the tiny hint of her old self dancing around in both her eyes and expression. The Susan he'd grown to love was still there, not having changed a thing, he noted, even after such long years of absence in her life. All except for that dim sensation that lingered and screamed and shouted to be exposed, to let him know what was nagging her so. But the thought of a specific redhead he'd fallen in love with denied him from voicing out his concerns.

''No''

''Why?''

Her silky hair fell a little to the side as she tilted her head, the tiniest of frowns falling upon her face. Any other time, he could've sworn she was somewhat Veela, at least a seventh part of her. The way she would chew onto the inside of her cheek in concentration, how her chest would delicately raise and fall after every short and every deep breath that she took and let out, how her nose would twitch every time she'd laugh at his foolishness, how her laughter was more than enough to be the highlight of his day, and how guilty of just sitting beside her made him feel. He'd be lying to himself if he said he didn't feel like betraying Ginny in every possible way by taking one single glance at Susan and her almighty beauty, both inside and out.

Why had he not notified his now wife that he was going to Privet Drive? Why had he not told the woman he'd believed was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with that he was going to be visiting the one that made his days at the common and boring Muggle world and possibly turned them into the best of his life? Why had he not told the red-haired girl that he'd shared a passionate kiss at the Room of Requirements in his sixth year to hide away Severus Snape's Potions book that he was going to be resolving some of his inner struggles? Why, he asked himself internally over and over again in that short amount of time, hadn't he told Ginny that he was going to see Susan, a girl she knew nothing about, a girl that only Hermione had heard ever heard of by _accident_?

The thought of how that happened distracted him only a little from answering her right that instant. It was one of those days without Ron on their search for the Horcruxes that were left. She'd been guarding outside while he tossed and turned in his bed, golden snitch in hand, in the warmth the inside of the tent offered. Harry had finally given up on trying getting some sleep, thoughts of Sirius' last moment still haunting his head for the longest it ever had. He'd stood up from it and placed the snitch back into his pockets, walking outside to see her shuddering slightly while still having that book in her hands.

''It's still not your turn'' Hermione whispered, feeling his presence right away, without looking up, still somewhat mad at Harry, maybe even herself, for what happened.

''Couldn't sleep'' he muttered as his response, taking a seat on the floor beside her, groaning lowly at the movement. He stared up at the slightly cloudy sky in amusement, crossing his arms on his knees and clasping his hands together in between. Hermione had soon stopped her reading, but still kept the pages opened before her and her head bowed down close to it as she usually would to read more closely, always letting herself get consumed into the words that painted different images inside her head. ''Is it wrong that I miss my old life?'' he asked her silently, feeling there was no need for neither to speak on a louder tone, being the only two there and sitting so close to one another.

''What?'' the statement was all it took to make her raise her head and face him with her eyebrows furrowed.

''Yeah'' Harry breathed, nodding as if to reassure himself he was speaking coherently. ''But not the Dursleys, they weren't... they weren't involved in the good bits of it''

Hermione's fingers slowly folded the corners of the page she'd left on, closing the book with her pale, tender, and now seemingly cold hands, turning her torso to look better at Harry, trying to make sense out of his words. ''There were good bits?'' she asked softly, the corner of her lip rising a little, making Harry nod and chuckle at the back of his throat, his shoulders moving slightly.

''Before and during my whole life with magic,'' he started, his eyes shining as memories filled up his mind of that one caramel-haired girl that always made him a chocolate cake for his birthday, after his third year always keeping Remus Lupin very much present even during summer because of them without even realizing it. ''Before the letter, before escaping the Dursleys, before Mr. Weasley took me out through the fireplace while my uncle felt like someone was pulling up a prank when, in reality, Fred and George were the ones doing so with Dudley'' the two of them laughed almost faintly at the thought of the little _incident_. ''But the good bits of it were also there when everything happened''

''What are the 'good bits'?'' Hermione scooted a little closer to Harry with her head tilted lightly to a side, a smile playing on her lips as she found herself becoming eager to know what caused the sudden change in her best friend's expression, compared to the dull one that had fallen upon the two of them those days.

''Her name is Susan'' the smile that spread on his lips was almost surreal, and the girl's seating beside him softened her own, noticing the even bigger change in his face and how it actually lit up at the mention of that name, confused, seeing as he'd never quite reacted that way whenever a certain ginger was mentioned. Harry turned his head to face his fellow Gryffindor and nodded, making him remember she still existed then, that she was intact from all the danger and war that surrounded his life then. ''And she is, without a doubt, the best bit that's happened to me''

''Harry?''

He felt that same girl nudge his ribs, bringing him back to the present, one much more shattered than the one he'd been thinking of, before the battle broke out, before all the heartache began. Funny thing was...Harry's aching began long before that, somewhere around the night of October 31st, 1981.

''Sorry,'' he muttered under his breath, watching the little smoke come out of his lips after he spoke, making him smirk softly to himself. ''Sort of-''

''Zoned off? It happens'' Susan nodded in understanding. ''But you owe me an answer, and soon will to your wife''

He actually winced at the sound of it, still not very used to it. It made the pair laugh at his actions, her shaking her head in disbelief while it gave him time to think up a truthful answer. ''I don't know'' more honest than that it couldn't get, but it was enough for her laughter to slowly vanish as well as his. ''I guess... I didn't want her to let her curiosity get the best of her and follow me here''

Susan straightened up her back and head, looking down at her hands as her frown only deepened. ''Why wouldn't you want her to follow you?'' her question took him by surprise, the look in her eyes when she turned her head to look at him causing a tight knot of guilt strangle his stomach. ''What are you hiding? Me?''

His silence was more than enough of an answer to her. It would've been to him if he was in her shoes. Turning her whole body to face him while still moving a little further from him, she shook her head once more and narrowed her eyes accusingly at him.

''Why are-''

''Does he know?''

The look on her face made it clear to him that she hadn't been expecting him to participate in her rant. ''What? Who?'' she asked him confused and impatiently, obviously not thinking straight due to the fact that he'd interrupted her mid-sentence, already having her mind reading off the nothings she would soon begin shouting at him.

''_Your fiancé_'' He emphasized even more on the last word, almost spitting it out like a dirty word not meant to be spoken, not to and about her. Susan's already parted lips pressed against each other, forming a thin line as her head turned away and her eyes fell upon the snow by their feet. ''Then you know perfectly well why I didn't tell her''

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><p><strong>Sorry that took so long to be updated. Lacked more inspiration on this one than I realized, but hopefully it's back! And I also apologize for its length. I'll try and make them better next time! Don't forget to leave some feedback :) xx<strong>


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